Try this trick and spin it…

…with your feet in the air and your head on the ground
where’s my mind
way out in the water
see it swimming?

 

What happens in 2010 stays in 2010.

*

Love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element.

I place my hands over her ears and tip her head back, and kiss her, and try to put my heart into hers, for safekeeping, in case I lose it again.

He made the boxes because he was lonely. He didn’t have anyone to love, and he made the boxes so he could love them, and so people would know that he existed, and because birds are free and the boxes are hiding places for the birds so they will feel safe, and he wanted to be free and be safe. The boxes are for him so he can be a bird.

How does it feel?
I feels exactly like one of those dreams in which you suddenly realize that you have to take a test you haven’t studied for and you aren’t wearing any clothes. And you’ve left your wallet at home.
When I am out there, in time, I am inverted, changed into a desperate version of myself. I become a thief, a vagrant, an animal who runs and hides. I startle old women and amaze children. I am a trick, an illusion of the highest order, so incredible that I am actually true.

What is more basic than the need to be known? It is the entirety of intimacy, the elixir of love, this knowing.

I’m bored with knitting. I’ve taken up arson.

I feel moderately bad about this whole thing. On the one hand, I am providing myself with urgently required survival skills. On the other hand, I’m corrupting my poor innocent little self. I sigh. Somebody’s got to do it.

absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird

There’s always world enough and time.

*

Sometimes people call me Ms. Craft. C-R-A-F-T. Can’t Remember A Fucking Thing.

Nemo Nobody aged 118: I’ve got nothing to say to you. I’m Mr. Nobody, a man who doesn’t exist.
Young journalist: Do you remember what the world was like before quasi-immortality? What was it like when humans were mortals?
Nemo Nobody aged 118: There were cars that polluded. We smoked cigarettes. We ate meat. We did everything we can’t do in this dump and it was wonderful! Most of the time nothing happened… like a French movie.
Young journalist: And, um, sexually? Before sex became obsolete.
Nemo Nobody aged 118: Ha ha, we screwed! Everybody was always screwing. We fell in love… we fell in love.

Nemo aged 9: You have to make the right choice. As long as you don’t choose, everything remains possible.

Young journalist: Everything you say is contradictory. You can’t have been in one place and another at the same time. Of all those lives, which one is the right one?
Nemo Nobody aged 118: Each of these lives is the right one! Every path is the right path. Everything could have been everything else and it will have just as much meaning.

Nemo Nobody aged 118: Before he was unable to make a choice because he didn’t know what would happen. Now that he knows what will happen, he is unable to make a choice.

Nemo age 9: In chess, it’s called Zugzwang… when the only viable move is not to move.

Elise: What are you doing today?
Nemo Nobody adult: I was thinking about taking the opportunity to wash the car.
Elise: What’s the deal with that car?
Nemo Nobody adult: What do you mean?
Elise: Why do you take such good care of that car while you leave me here all alone? What’s the problem with the car?
Nemo Nobody adult: [goes outside to set the car on fire, then goes back to Elise] There’s no more problem with the car.

*

Do you think it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?

• Audrey Niffenegger: The Time Traveler’s Wife, Her Fearful Symmetry
• Jaco Van Dormael: Mr. Nobody [2009; drama, fantasy, romance]

As you like it

 

or not

still, presenting: The queen of misguided ideas and decisions gone wrong, wearing an iridescent black designer gown draped with bad luck-In three acts with no beginning and a few endings

Dripping mistakes.

But it’s fine.

She will figure things out.

She will make it happen.

She always has.

She always will.

*

(Worst case scenario:) She has to come to terms with humanity (the world) and herself. She dislikes physical pain and the idea of suicide, so she will have to automatically enforce a self-like-mode. She’ll live with herself so much that eventually she’ll have to accept all of her personalities and their sole body. She’s starting to be socially autistic anyway, so if she needs love in her life she can substitute any eventual epic fail just by loving what she already has. Now the first matter – liking or at least accepting humanity as it is/will soon be – well, that basically regards people and money. In a consumer society she has to ask herself if the money invested can lead up to at least a decent profit. Well I say that buying a gun certainly is a good deal, considering that after using it she will not have to pay for accommodation for the rest of her life. Nor for food as a matter of fact. And once she has become a mass murderer people… well people will just divide into visitors and audience. It’s almost the worst thing she can do (in the eyes of the world), no one can ever say or expect her to be any better than that, no more struggling, no more pretending, no more holding on to the one bit of mental sanity afloat on the surface, no more pushing limits and definitely knowing where everything is going – out in the open with a loud bang (well, hahha, actually with more). The end of the fight. A bitter sweet surrender, but not the final act.

*

because all the world’s a stage

and all the men and women merely players

they have their exists and their entrances

and one man in his life plays many parts

his acts being seven ages

*

last scene of all

that ends this strange eventful history

is second childishness and mere oblivion

sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything

*

This is all practice.

None of this matters.

She is just warming up.

I’m baaack :)

But not for long 😛

Quick – quick, step – step (or at least so I thought) – leapsa from someone cu s mare aka John (WARNING – continut greu de digerat; nu, nu la John, doar in intrebarile care au venit cu tag-ul):

1. Cat e ceasul? 07:45 (yeah, I know, weird for me; morning!)

2. Numele tau este? Joy (if you’re counting all of us, then Alice and Lilith and the rest under development)

3. Porecla? Haha. No, that wasn’t it… it’s pretty much been Jo most of the time. Hai punem si Eva 😀

4. Ai tatuaje? Nope.

5. Culoarea ochilor? The colour of muddy puddles (chocolate eyes)

6. Locul in care te-ai nascut? Republik del sol

7. Mancare favorita? Pff… greu… dar raman la pui cu ciuperci si smantana pana imi gateste cineva ceva mai bun

8. Ai fost vreodata in USA? Not yet.

9. Ai infasurat vreodata pe cineva cu hartie igienica? Nope. Eu doar am dat ideea

10. Ai iubit pe cineva atat de mult incat sa-ti vina sa plangi? Da, de nervi. But no actual crying involved. And more or less actual love…

11. Ai fost implicat in vreun accident de masina? Well, I was on the bus… the bus hit a car… you see where I’m going with this, right?

12. Crutoane sau bacon? Crutoane! (in supa crema de ciuperci)

13. Zi favorita din saptamana? “Ne vedem …, ne vedem …, am urlat dupa ea” (fill in the blanks, get the answer)

14. Restaurant favorit? Right now San Marco

15. Ce sport iti place sa urmaresti? Why do you torture me with these kind of questions?!?

16. Bautura favorita? Always Coca – Cola 😀 Or alcoholic Cuban drinks served with a mysterious smile

17. Inghetata favorita? “Polara ceausista”, ambalata ca un pachet de unt

18. Walt Disney sau Warner Bros? Mhmm… I’d say WB dar… nu pot alege! Both! Gotta have’m both!

19. Restaurant fast-food favorit? A lovely Chinese place in Leicester Square

20. Ce culoare are dormitorul vostru? Dormitorul “nostru” are culoarea camerei lui Gaston Louis Alfred Leroux

21. De cate ori ai copiat la vreun examen? De cate x copiat/ examen? 🙂 De cate ori s-a putut 😀 Serios, what’s with the questions?!?

22. De la cine ai primit leapsa asta? Vezi above

23. In care magazin ai fi cheltuit toti banii de pe card? Toti?!? Nu prea cred…

24. Ce faci de obicei cand te plictisesti? Lately nu prea mai am timp for it, but when/if it happens I immediately put an end to it (writing, reading…)

25. La ce ora mergi la culcare? Tricky one… as vrea sa fie o ora anume

26. Cine o sa raspunda primul/prima la leapsa asta? Well, daca nu-i mai face figuri netu’, Wu I guess

27. Ce program TV nu pierzi niciodata? Serios?!?

28. Ultima persoana cu care ai luat masa la restaurant? 3 in 1 😀 Tim, Max & Alejandro

29. Ce asculti in momentul asta? I’m going slightly mad (Queen)

30. Care e culoarea preferata? Anu’ asta purple

31. Mare sau lac? Un… lac mai mare…

32. Cate tatuaje ai? Aplicam principiul Despot si 3 in… go to question 4

33. Ai ramas vreodata fara benzina la masina? Nu. Tu?

34. Ce preferi pisica sau catel? Caine

35. Ce anotimp preferi: vara sau iarna? In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

36. Esti solo? Cu aceasta ocazie va aduc la cunostinta ca exista http://www.solopianoradio.com (which I pretty much luv…); that’s the best use I have for this question

37. Esti indragostita de cineva? Mereu si niciodata

38. Cat e ceasul? 12:30 (yeap, that’s right; si daca nu eram busy probabil imi lua mult mai mult sa get this over with)

Yesssssssss! It’s all over! The pain, the horror! Chiar ca ai pus oamenii la perete, John 😛

Si acum…. prefer sa nu dau leapsa asta mai departe, but Mika, you’re welcome to give it a try if u wanna (as I mentioned u in the question above) and so is anyone else! Doar nu ma injurati dupa, n-a fost ideea mea 😀

Hugs and blue skies

Njoy… make yourself a memory!

Da, stiu, ultimul meu post a fost un fel de car crash. Can’t help it. Sau mai bine zis nu vreau. Asta-i one of the mail reasons of my blog. Spun orice, oricand, oricum. E un fel de refulare. Dar nu trebuie sa-ti explic tie asta.

Sunt putin obosita, dar nu destul incat sa nu scriu.

Astazi la work  – 2 customers: squash playing/baieti de pension/posh clothes&exprimare. Au vrut sa fie draguti. They politely introduced themselves, mi-au povestit de their high jobs in big ass companies owned by their parents. Dupa ce au primit o micuta lectie in sales de la “fata de la garderoba”, m-au intrebat ce studiez. Reactia lor: you are crazy enough to be fucking kick ass at your future job!

In the past two days Londra a beneficiat de o vizita papala. Se pare ca British people didn’t really look forward to it. Dupa articolele din ziare si manifestatiile de astazi cred ca asta-i cea mai neprimitoare tara din punctul asta de vedere. Bine… si declaratiile papale par facute de ceva corporate dude; but then again, nu am apucat sa hear anything live.

London fashion week – multe materiale si mai mult materialism; new stuff: + sizes

Londra probabil e the dirtiest and ugliest duminica dimineata. And it is only emphasized by the fact that I pretty much finish my last shift of the week around that time. Piccadilly Circus, Regent Street, Oxford Street – full of drunk people most of whom feel sick, girls barely dressed walking barefoot no matter how cold it is outside, fights, crowds, way too many cars going very slow, trash allover the pavement and everything too noisy. I may sound like someone who’s supposed to be retired by now… I know. Anyway, this city never sleeps. And it never stops singing. And when I’m not tired I really love it. I like meeting so many people of such different backgrounds. I like speaking about 7 languages at work every night. I like being part of huge shows and album releases, meeting BBC reporters, music producers, famous bands, and most of all people working hard in small time jobs. Money sometimes overcome dreams and passion in a big city; if you fancy the first you can either reach the top or get severely crushed on the way. If you care about the second, you can see your dreams painted in so many colours.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, however you do it, remember that it’s all about you. Never forget words such as confidence, strength, ambition, values and try your best. No matter what. Because you’re never alone. Because you’ll get where you’re supposed to get. And never forget your true self.

P.S.: Find somebody who loves you, not only someone you love.

P.P.S.: hugs and blue skies to all my readers!

Go-Boom-Go-Zen

Mai am doua zile pana fac un an de cand locuiesc aici. Logic, this raises at least one question in my head: what have I done so far?!? *insert insane laughter here*

I spent my night trying to make sense of it all (obviously, it wasn’t the first, it’s been an entire series of sleep deprived nights so far). After loads of loud thoughts and music, serious tooth ache and pain killers, I thrown myself in bed and started listening to radio theatre. That finally worked and I fell asleep – just to wake up half an hour later (courtesy of my flatmate’s phone – do take into consideration the fact that I usually don’t even hear my own phone when I sleep, even if it’s next to my ear). I ate breakfast, which I rarely do in the morning, had my usual dosage of nicotine and taught myself four simple steps to end a panic attack while I was having one. Now, after repeating what I could remember from NLP and three songs from Guess Who, I’m starting to feel a bit better. It’s a bit difficult trying to practice psychology on my own self, but I managed to clear my head enough to remember some of the tattoos of the last guy I met: a kid with a hammer in his hand and a nail in his head (left hand) and an old man in a strait jacket (right hand). My methods certainly have enough room for improvement.

I didn’t want to write here, but I figured what the heck! it helps, why not do it.
I may seem borderline psychotic. I may actually be close to that as a matter of fact, but it will all be sorted out soon. The hard nut is still underneath all this neurotic toffee exterior and it will come out to play as soon as Criminology starts, at the end of this month. Then… we’ll just have to see. But my guess is that I’ll be better. I mean, shit helps stuff grow, right?!?

Temporary madness may be necessary in some cases, to cleanse and renovate the mind; just as a fit of illness is to carry off the humours of the body.
(Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827)

I needed to let off some steam. This is one of my ways to be zen again, ergo off to bed I go, to catch up on my dreams!

Fine, it’s Autumn

And some people say it isn’t that bad.

There are some rumours that what we would lose in flowers we’d more than gain in fruits.  Yeah, I’m giving this season a chance… but if it doesn’t follow through, I will personally hold you responsible for this, Raza 😀

P.S.: that’s my way of saying tnq for a nice comment

P.P.S.: pretty much nothing can hold me down (Beep – Beep!):

P.S.S.: Check this out: Love and other crap

Can you feel?

Can you feel my heart is beating?
I can’t hear yes.

The worst mistake that anyone can make is being to afraid to make one.

One MAN Show

Intr-o oarecare seara, intr-un oarecare apartament, intr-un oarecare living, ma uitam la un oarecare tv cu un oarecare tip. Ati crede ca povestea asta este despre tipul in oarecare cauza. Nu. Nu, nu. Este una despre omul poveste, care probabil poate orice, pentru ca sigur este magician!

Pentru ca atunci cand el incepe eu nu mai am cuvinte, doar casc gura si uachii si urechile si pulsul, va las cu Tim Minchin si cateva citate despre el:

“Simultaneously an excellent stand-up comedian, a purveyor of physical comedy, an accomplished musician and a lyricist of diabolical ingenuity. Witty, smart, and unabashedly offensive.” (The Age, Melbourne)

“He plays like an angel, sings like the rock star he always wanted to be and has a devil of a sense of humour. This is an extraordinary performer.” (The Scotsman, Edinburgh)

“Articulate, thoughtful, dry and unashamedly polysyllabic… dark irreverent and talented… excellent, provoking, funny.” (The Age, Melbourne)

“Take out a second mortgage, sell the car, and put the money on the safest bet you’ll ever make in this uncertain world: that Tim Minchin will be the next big thing in musical comedy”.(Time Out, London)

This one’s for U

whoever you are

I think of you in colours that don’t exist

* pe principiul London, I heart you as long as it’s mutual – the BBC Proms absofu**inglutely rock! and Jamie Cullum live is simply wow! (recordings just don’t do him justice)

P.S.: this song was written for his wife; lyrics:

Everyone knows that I’m rightfully yours
So bring out your dirt from your previous wars
So lay thee to rest
’cause I’m chasing away all the dust that you’re leaving behind
Because Love ain’t gonna let you down
love ain’t gonna let you down no more (hmm)
‘Cause I’ll turn your world around
and love ain’t gonna let you down (hm)
So you wear your heart like a brooch for all to see
But the blood that pumps through
So will you save that for me
I’ve sweetened my tongue
And I’ve sharpened my words and my wit
And I’ve written my lines
Because Love ain’t gonna let you down
love ain’t gonna let you down no more
Feel it burning like a bomb raging
a thousand summers grazing on your skin
restlessly anticipating so many tiny things
The pursuit of love consumes us all
I’ll be your Fabrice without the war
Do you dream about it written for
Bursting with all all of the weight of a million rhymes

P.P.S.: putin disturbing faptul ca primele acorduri seamana foarte tare cu inceputul de la Aqualung’s “Strange and Beautiful”; but then again, la urechea mea muzicala… oare mi se pare?!?

Random Daydreams

* sometimes when you are feeling confused about the direction you should take, trust the void. Looking back years later, you will probably find that the strange road you followed paved the way to the place you wanted to reach anyway

* there is no such thing as the right time to go to university, to fall in love or to take a year out; it’s okay not to know if or how things are going to work out

* only wish to become who you’d like to be; there’s a curse of people imposing projections of what they think you should be, but you know yourself best: There is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique

* remember, the heart is a muscle; it doesn’t break, it just gets bruised

* develop yourself and your identity around a set of values, rather than your postcode

* life is too short to count calories: food should be one of the great, great sensual pleasures in life

* don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum

* do one thing every day that scares you, sing, don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours

* floss; don’t waste time on jealousy

* remember the compliments your receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how

* keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements

* don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what to do with your life; the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives and some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t

* dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room

* read the directions even if you don’t follow them

* before you search for something anywhere else, search within

* take it easy, but take it; laugh often and much

* win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children

* appreciate beauty and find the best in others

* being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect; it just means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections

“Ne iubim ca doua bete de chibrituri. Nu vorbim, ci ne aprindem. Nu ne sarutam, ci provocam incendii. Cat sunt de inalt, de un metru saizeci si sase, corpul mi-e zgaltait de un cutremur de pamant. Inima evadeaza din invelisul-inchisoare, se scure prin artere, imi ajunge in teasta si se preschimba in creier. Sunt tot o inima, de la fiecare muschi pana la in varful degetelor! Pretutindeni, raze de soare arzator, pasiune roz cu reflexe rosii.”

“E timpul sa-mi strang iar bagajele intesate cu vise.”

“M-as arunca direct in pat. Sigur as mai gasi sub perna cateva vise din copilarie… si-as cauta sa nu le strivesc sub povara grijilor de adult care mi s-au cuibarit sub frunte.”